Brighton’s War Memorial Bought By Developers: to Become ‘World’s Shallowest Swimming Pool’

Funding crisis blamed on ‘Inadequate cash flow from lucky-wish pennies’.

The Menin Gate in Ypres may have little to worry about yet – but exciting times lie ahead for Brighton’s down-at-heel memorial

Following similar controversies over the nearby Grand Ocean Hotel and Saltdean Lido, Brighton’s War Memorial is now at the centre of a row between local residents and a property developer.

‘It just isn’t sustainable’ said Proimus UK Property. ‘The only use the Memorial gets is from seagulls – and they ain’t good payers’.

‘We propose to reimagine the Memorial as a multi-use gym, spa, bistro and luxury apartment complex – with the existing pool having exciting new features such as a water slide, wave machine and a realistic mechanical shark like on “Jaws”.  The kids will love that’.

But local residents are incandescent with rage.

‘We’re incandescent with rage’ said Barbara McColl, leader of the group opposing the plans.  ‘For as long as anyone can remember, we’ve walked past this proud and poignant structure and thought “that could really do with being cleaned up; it’s got moss and seagull do-dos all over it, and the water is the same colour as sick.”‘

Both sides are mustering their legal forces, and a final decision is due by next Spring.