‘Bank of Mum and Dad’ Announces 25,000 Branch Closures

‘You want to borrow how much..?’ Even grandparents are feeling the squeeze

Faced with ever-growing competition from online-only finance providers, parents are turning their children away in unprecedented numbers.

For so long seen as the ‘lender of last resort’, parents are struggling to meet their children’s demands for cash.

‘Whether it be fifty quid for a train fare, or an interest-free gift of several thousand pounds to cover tuition fees, we are feeling the pressure from the competition’, said the Bank of Mum and Dad’s Head of Marketing.

Reports come in every day of students visiting their parents’ homes – only to find them locked and deserted, with a sign on the door saying “We are sorry [child’s name], but this branch of the Bank of Mum and Dad is Now Closed.  If you wish to apply for a loan please visit our website.  Thank you”.

Even the most enterprising young people (who for example approach their grandparents posing as ‘get rich quick’ investment experts) are being thwarted.  Education campaigns aimed at the over-80s have had considerable success in helping them to spot the tell-tale signs of extortion by close family members.

NUS President Malia Bouattia said ‘It’s a perfect storm: students are facing ever-greater debt, parents are also seeing their own real-terms income stagnant or even falling – so are having to charge higher interest rates – and unscrupulous online loan companies are stepping in to fill the gap.  Personally, I blame the government for everything.  And climate change too’.