Greenpeace Wants ‘Carbon Tax on Pets’

Green activists say cats, dogs and gerbils are ‘an environmental disaster hiding in plain sight’.

Like butter wouldn’t melt in its mouth – but such animals are ‘environmentally lethal’, according to Greenpeace

The impact of methane emissions from cows are well-documented – but now campaigners are turning their attention closer to home, with a stinging attack on domestic pets.

‘They are increasingly an extension of their owners’ profligacy’, read a statement.

‘Dogs in particular are over-fed – while cats upset biodiversity and weaken the planet’s resilience to climate change by eating small birds.  These birds would otherwise be helping to control insect numbers (and so protect the plants which provide our planet’s oxygen).  It’s also a vicious cycle, because global warming results in a longer breeding season for cats – so we have more of them…’.

‘Gerbils also spell big trouble.  They hoard food, which gives off methane when decomposing.  As an aside, their burrowing and gnawing are calculated to have caused over 10,000 human deaths in the last century – primarily as a result of large buildings collapsing’.

‘And don’t even get us started on horses.  They are the absolute worst: like Range Rovers with hooves..’

Greenpeace would not say precisely how much they want the new tax to be – but home finance guru Martin Lewis estimates it would range from about 10p per month for a mouse up to £100 per month for a full-grown Clydesdale stallion.