Boris Johnson Opens UK’s First ‘School of Gravitas’ for Junior Diplomats

This poor man has a crick in his neck from watching too many Boris u-turns

Newly-Appointed Foreign Secretary wants to pass on his experience to less mature generations. 

In a typically lively speech, the former London Mayor said:

‘It’s an ideal opportunity for me to “give something back” to this wonderful country – to which I’ve already given so much. Back.

‘We’re working on a detailed curriculum right now.  So far, we’ve come up with four specific areas in which dignity is so key:

• Combing one’s hair
• Correct use of flags, bungee cords and zip lines when in public
• Insulting the entire populations of large Northern cities: How to Avoid This
• Going around the country in a large red coach with great big fibs written down the side: Pros and Cons

‘I’m also delighted to announce that our Visiting Professor of Authoritativity will be Sarah Palin.  Sarah is of course a torch-bearer for those of us who aspire to represent their country abroad at the highest levels.  She will be focusing on:

• Revisionist Geography: how to make it work for you
• Guns: how the US Constitution’s Second Amendment actually applies to the UK too (based on research by leading political think-tank the National Rifle Association)