Alzheimer’s Charity: ‘Everyone in the UK Will Have Dementia By Next Week’

The condition is now also rife among wild animals, claims the charity

Latest Alzheimer’s Society statistics charting the condition’s growth make alarming reading.

‘As a country, we can no longer ignore this national epidemic’ said a spokeswoman.  ‘Unless we act now, the human cost will be unimaginable.  The health services will be overwhelmed, planes will fall from the sky, locusts will fill the air – and Ant and Dec will never again be seen on telly’.

However, the comments have attracted criticism from some quarters.

‘As usual, they’re overplaying their hand’ said a volunteer at Cancer Research UK.  ‘According to the Alzheimer’s crowd, the entire NHS budget should be devoted to research into, and care of, dementia.  Things like cancer and heart disease would go right out the window.  Totally ridiculous’.

The Alzheimer’s Society wasted no time in responding:

‘These people have their heads in the sand; dementia is everywhere, among people from all walks of life, of all ages, men and women, North and South, town and country, black and white, Christian and Muslim’.

The RNLI also then weighed into the debate.  ‘In our work, we see little evidence of this supposedly all-pervading dementia. Our clients place much higher priority on avoiding the imminent danger of drowning.’

Within a week, a stinging response came back from Alzheimer’s.

‘Look – even animals have dementia: dogs, cats, meerkats, seagulls, giraffes.  You name it.  Once again, we see everybody with their heads in the soup.  Frankly, they seem to be a few mushrooms short of a pizza.  Come to think of it, what time is lunch?  Can I get a vegan bacon & chicken salad, over-easy, with lightly-grilled chocolate biscuits on the side…?’