Yet more bad news awaited Southern Rail passengers struggling into London this morning, after a ‘serious incident’ left several diners at London Victoria Station’s ‘Yo Sushi’ needing hospital treatment. According to eye-witnesses, a southbound dish of Ramen Noodle Salad left the belt and collided headlong into a helping of Custard Dorayaki travelling in the opposite direction.  This in turn careened into an Albacore Truffle Ponzu Sashimi, before coming to rest on top of an overturned Chicken Katsu Curry.  Several adjacent dishes of the notoriously-unstable Spicy Pepper...

The 2015 introduction in England of a mandatory 5p charge for single-use plastic bags by large retailers was hailed as a great success by the environmental movement.  The number of bags used reportedly dropped by almost 90%. However, the ‘gentleman’s agreement’ that monies raised are passed on to charities is not mandatory – and some high street chains are suspected of pocketing some of the extra proceeds themselves. ‘We’ve heard of several very dubious practices’ said a spokesperson for Banbury-based green charity WRAP.  ‘These include incentive...

‘It was the last place we thought to look’ say colleagues. Dr Janina Ramirez has established herself as one of Britain’s most popular – and distinctive – TV historians.  But her presenting style does sometimes cause problems…. ‘Last night’s BBC4 documentary on Julian of Norwich was classic Ramirez’ enthused local GP and amateur historian Charles Thornbury. ‘We saw Janina perform many of her trademark moves: walking along a street walking across a field climbing up a staircase climbing down a staircase (usually the same one) wandering around...

‘After years on the back foot, we’re finally gaining some traction’ say activists…. ‘Obviously the news that the ozone hole is healing dominated the last few days: it’s been the only thing people are talking about’. ‘The UK’s colder-than-usual June and first-half of July have also been a major issue for us – but then suddenly events turned on a dime yesterday, and we’re now hearing warnings of ‘killer heatwaves’ over the next 24 hours. ‘This is much more like it; the traditional photo of a packed Brighton beach,...

Newly-Appointed Foreign Secretary wants to pass on his experience to less mature generations.  In a typically lively speech, the former London Mayor said: ‘It’s an ideal opportunity for me to “give something back” to this wonderful country – to which I’ve already given so much. Back. ‘We’re working on a detailed curriculum right now.  So far, we’ve come up with four specific areas in which dignity is so key: Combing one’s hair Correct use of flags, bungee cords and zip lines when in public Insulting the entire populations of large Northern...