Veteran US politician is dragged into row over cooking times A class action lawsuit was launched today against senior US lawmaker John McCain, with consumer groups accusing him of ‘consistent and blatant falsehoods’ in relation to the time needed to cook oven chips. An attorney representing the groups said ‘For years, bags of McCain’s Oven Chips have advised a cooking time of 20-22 minutes – while in fact it always takes at least 30 minutes to achieve the crispy golden brown color shown on the packaging’. ‘These misleading statements have seriously damaged the...

Following its recent bust-up with the BBC, The Met Office Announces the end of UK Weather Forecasts. The Met Office said today that it will cease production of UK weather forecasts, and concentrate instead on overseas markets. ‘All we ever hear from the public is moan, moan, moan; hurricane this, Michael Fish that..’ said a spokesman. ‘Well from now on British people can figure out for themselves what the weather is going to be like.  In India, for example, nobody cares if we get the start of monsoon season a bit wrong; everybody knows it’s coming and are much more...

With continuing financial crises and unrest among its staff, the NHS wants patients to take a more active role in their own care. New technology is already being used to remotely monitor devices such as pacemakers – but leaked memos from the Department of Health have revealed the extent of other changes being considered. Titled ‘Minor At-Home Procedures’, one document speculates on the ability of patients to conduct minor procedures such as the removal of warts and ingrowing toenails. ‘Scalpals, liquid nitrogen canisters and instructions could be sent out by courier to the...

With Heathrow and Gatwick vying to add to London’s airport capacity, a new and unexpected hat has been thrown into the ring. ‘Thurso is an ideal choice for those wanting quick access to the heart of London’ a spokesman said. ‘It’s much closer than New York or Tokyo, and has nearby golf courses and oil rigs that Beijing can only dream of’. ‘Visitors will also appreciate the lack of congestion; the airfield has been unused since 1940 when it was accidentally demolished by the Army’. ‘The centrepiece of our proposal is to mow the lawns and water the...

With record droughts continuing in the USA’s Western States, planners are having to consider radical solutions to safeguard future water and energy supplies. Lake Mead (created in the 1930s when Hoover Dam was built) is at its lowest level since first being filled.  The distinctine ‘bathtub ring’ around the lake grows by about 10 feet per year. The US Bureau of Reclamation has responsibility for the Dam, and is reported to be in near-crisis talks with the States of Nevada and Arizona, as well as the Federal Government. One extreme option – which is nevertheless gaining...