Eco-friendly city wants new residents to ‘get off on the right pedal’. Caroline Lucas MP said ‘there is nothing wrong with our “when in Rome” approach; we cannot take everyone, as this would drive the local squatter community into homelessness’. ‘We realise that bringing a bicycle over on a dangerously overcrowded small boat from Turkey or Greece is impractical – but there are lots of very good deals to be had once the people are here.  And frankly if they can afford to pay people traffickers thousands of pounds for passage to the UK, a fifty quid bike...

Following recent sit-ins by Democrats in Congress – and decades of bad blood between the NRA and Liberals – a lasting agreement may finally be close. A last-minute deal in Washington has cleared the way for gun shops and arms dealers to sell automatic weapons or ammunition to the public – but not both. Crucially, the deal has the backing of the all-powerful National Rifle Association (NRA).  Its leader Wayne LaPierre struck an unusually conciliatory tone on the steps of the Capitol Building. ‘This agreement represents perhaps the most painful compromise in the NRA’s...

A previously-unknown group – ‘Train Spotters Up In Arms’ – has staged a violent demo at the Cheyenne HQ of railroad operator Union Pacific. The demonstrators exchanged gunfire with police for over three hours, demanding that the World’s largest steam engine (currently under restoration) be renamed. ‘It’s wrong in so many ways’ said TSUIA spokesperson Melinda J. ‘It’s sexist, sizeist, homophobic, phallo-centric and probably racist too’. ‘Actually’ she continued ‘the locomotive is painted black – so that just...

Bizarre reports are leaking from Broadcasting House on Senior Presenters’ Troubling Behaviour. In the ‘hot-house’ that is the 21st Century BBC, a number of familiar faces are becoming ever-more focused on their work. Science and environment guru David Shuckman is often seen walking through the office carrying an inflatable dinghy on his head – similar to those used when filming collapsing icebergs at the poles. ‘You never know where climate change will strike next, do you?’ Shuckman is reported to say.  He has a number of similar craft – fully inflated and...

The shock Brexit victory has hardened the resolve of important people to not be caught napping again. ‘Well we’re not going to let that happen again’, said a senior source close to Number 10. ‘Nor are we going to let the result stand. Bear in mind that the score was very close – 48.1% to 51.9% – and young, well-educated  people in important places (ie London) voted overwhelmingly to remain. ‘So, the ‘remain’ vote will become stronger by the day.  In fact, we calculate that enough PBOFs (Pro-Brexit Old Farts) will have died to tip the balance by...