Birmingham’s Latest Transport Upgrade: Ozzy Osbourne International Airport

‘Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Birmingham’s Ozzy Osbourne International Airport, where the local time is 3:26pm. Please remain seated with your seat belt fastened until the aircraft has come to a complete stop. Thank you for travelling with us today, and we wish you a safe and pleasant onward journey’

Buoyed by revamped New Street railway station, and inspired by Liverpool’s John Lennon Airport, City Council is in talks with the CAA.

‘This is the latest in a long line of white elephant projects aiming to bring Birmingham into the big league, but which is doomed to failure from the outset’ – said a senior councillor, going slightly off message.

‘Our IATA code would change from ‘BHX’ to ‘OZI’ – and the Australians are already saying this may cause confusion with Sydney, Melbourne, Canberra etc’.

‘Still, never mind all that.  Ozzy is a wonderful ambassador for everything that is best about Brum.  His contribution to the City’s cuisine alone is exceptional: bat soup, bat burgers, bat on toast and bat au vin’.