Latest ‘lockable’ nozzles are so complicated that most people give up after 30 minutes.  World Record to open a can is 6 minutes. The International Olympic Committee (IOC) announced at its Lausanne HQ yesterday that it has ratified the sport as an official Olympic competition. ‘It combines the mental skills of chess with the physical dexterity of fencing’ read the official IOC statement, ‘and so is a worthy addition to the competitions undertaken at the World’s oldest and most prestigious sporting event. Favourites for the Gold Medal are the Chinese, with their...

Roosters are out and skips are in. Beijing unveils its plan to rescue faltering Chinese expansion. With China’s 2016 Q1 growth barely scraping into triple figures, top officials are hurriedly devising unconventional ways to encourage consumer spending. An official Party communique explained ‘”Year of the Skip” is a ground-up initiative that we hope will prompt families to undertake home improvement projects -which in turn will have a knock-on effect for the manufacturing and service sectors’.  Indeed we have already seen a spike in the demand for skips, and contractors...

Buenos Aires aims to hit the UK where it hurts the most: in the stomach. Argentina’s Minister of Corned Beef, Xavier Juarez-Juarez, today re-opened long-running diplomatic hostilities with the UK over ‘Las Malvinas’. ‘The British are major buyers of our delicious tinned meat.  What could be more frustrating than to find that the key used to open the specially-designed tins is missing?’ ‘From next month, all tins of corned beef exported to the UK will have their keys removed before shipping.  We know that using a traditional tin opener instead is almost completely...