‘Emily Maitlis on Strictly’ Petition Reaches 1 Million: Parliament to Act

You want me to do WHAT ?

MPs will now debate motion: ‘This House Believes that, in a Time of National Crisis, Emily Maitlis Should go on Strictly Come Dancing Whether She Wants to or Not’.

‘It’s no longer just a question of advancing her career’ said a senior BBC News executive ‘it’s about stepping up for her country.

‘The Pound is at its lowest level since goodness-knows-when, the markets are having kittens, and families up and down the land have been torn apart – possibly for generations to come’.

The UK needs something that can bring together people throughout this nation – and Emily’s legs are it’.

‘Would it really be such as disaster if she did a few foxtrots with Andrew Neil or Lembit Opik?  It wouldn’t impugn her journalistic integrity; she can still go on Newsnight and be prickly with Junior Ministers.  And remember, Strictly pays all contestants’ travel expenses up to a maximum of £25 per day’.

The presenter is reported to have said of the offer “I’d rather spend time with Donald Trump and his family”.  At which point somebody reminded her that she did – over five years ago.