Newly-released court papers reveal the band’s determination that people listen to Floyd albums in full. Long before the days of the internet and rows over whether individual tracks could be downloaded, Pink Floyd were already hot on the heels of their less committed fans. In April 1973, the band attempted to sue a student at NYU who had confided to a friend that he had only listened to the first half of ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ before going to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Word of the incident soon reached executives at Capitol Records, and they agreed with the band to ‘sue...

  ‘Natural extension to our product portfolio’ say Britain’s favourite over-populated narcissistic celeb couple. There is no doubting the pulling-power of the Beckham brand, with customers having queued for up to three weeks at garden centres around the country to have ‘first dibs’ on the dynamic duo’s latest creation. However, the much-anticipated selection of chairs and tables garnered mixed reactions from the public and media.  Some felt that the furniture had a certain naïve charm with its simple – almost utilitarian – design cues. Others tended more...

Buenos Aires aims to hit the UK where it hurts the most: in the stomach. Argentina’s Minister of Corned Beef, Xavier Juarez-Juarez, today re-opened long-running diplomatic hostilities with the UK over ‘Las Malvinas’. ‘The British are major buyers of our delicious tinned meat.  What could be more frustrating than to find that the key used to open the specially-designed tins is missing?’ ‘From next month, all tins of corned beef exported to the UK will have their keys removed before shipping.  We know that using a traditional tin opener instead is almost completely...

   Opinion polls are now part-and-parcel of everyday life.  But none have systematically assessed the views of people who are…  pissed.  Until now. ‘We have a fundamental problem in conducting polls’ said a spokesman for the British Polling Council (BPC).  ‘Some people – quite understandably – feel obliged to give the reply that they think the interviewer wants to hear, or that they feel is more socially acceptable’. ‘The most obvious example is in election polling, where there is a tendency for some respondents to avoid saying they support the...

The legendary Scottish actor scores ‘nul points’ in James Bond impression contest. Sean Connery suffered a crushing defeat yesterday – in a competition to find Britain’s best Sean Connery impersonator. Using a false name, he entered the charity radio phone-in, in which real James Bond actors competed anonymously against members of the public. Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig and George Lazenby all comfortably won their respective rounds, and went through to the sudden death final. But Connery came last in his heat, in which Derek Mulgyre (a welder from...

Veteran Newsnight frontman Jeremy Paxman has confided that the BBC2 motoring show would have been ‘a perfect fit’ for his irascible talents.  With his disdain for mainstream politics a long-known open secret, Paxman has revealed that he pitched the idea of joining Top Gear to BBC bosses. ‘It would have meant that May and Hammond could still have said “Jeremy” – and I think it’s about time that in-car SatNavs are held to account for all the misleading information they give.  If I am told to “turn right at the next junction” I am quite prepared to...